The Experiences of “Torpe” Men in their Pursuit of Romantic Endeavors

This stud is conducted by: Loares, Nadres, Dichupa, Anasco, Catabijan

Introduction:

            The stage of adolescence is usually the stage where in a human person would interact with others in hopes of establishing lifelong contacts for developing intimate and sexual relations. According to Erikson (as cited in Cherry, n.d.) adolescence is the stage wherein a person would explore and form a sense of identity. This is usually done by exploring their new found freedom by engaging in different types of behavior and by peer interaction. As Brinas, Ramirez and Ty (as cited in Continuado, Marcos, Dentor, 2007, p. 3) explained adolescence is the time wherein people search and try to initiate other people to become their sexual partners. Understanding problematic aspects of social interaction casued by torpeness can help us understand the process of communicating among adolescences and can help us gather more data about social inhibition of people. The term torpe is a deeply Filipino term and the only western counterpart of torpe would be love shyness; however love shyness is too western to be integrated here and that love-shyness does not encompass the whole aspects of torpe.  As Gilmartin conceptualized (1987) love shy men also are inhibited towards general social interactions. Such perspectives of shyness are usually the product of prior emotional trauma aimed towards social interaction. The three research questions that this paper will tackle would be; what are the common experiences of “Torpe” men in romantic endeavours?  What motivates “Torpe” Men to try to pursue romantic relationships? "What are the methods of communication of "Torpe" men in their pursuit of Romantic endevors?’

Method:

            This study used students from a private university in the Philippines for our study. The responses of 5 individual interviews and a focus groups discussion that used 5 different students were gathered. The contacts of people that might satisfy the research problems were asked for their consent and the researchers did the separate interviews after that they asked the question do you think you are torpe and why?; and the FGD was done to compare the interview data and as a validity check of the data. The data was separated into codes and gathered in different categories based on researcher’s perspectives and direction.

Results

Table #1

This table contains the themes for Research Problem #1.1: What are the affective experiences of “Torpe” men in their pursuit of romantic endeavours?

Theme	Definition/description	Sample quote
Experience of Fear	The feelings of fear encountered “Torpe” men in their pursuit for romantic endeavors	(IC4) “Very angry of course, its like the cause of becoming a torpe its like they hate rejection, probably like in a family environment its used to okay for her next round”
Experience of Regret	The emotions or consequences of being “Torpe”	(IC4) “Negatively because you are not being yourself but basically it depends on what might happen because you are not suppose to know sometimes regret sometime you would feel amused that you are a torpe”

This table shows the affective experiences of “Torpe” men in their pursuit of romantic endeavors. That is, they Experience fear and regret because of their “Torpe” characteristics.

Table #2

This table contains the theme for Research Problem # 1.2: What are the behavioural experiences of “Torpe” men in their pursuit of romantic endeavours?

Theme	Definition/description	Sample quote
Problems in communicating and interacting with the person of interest	The obstacles encountered by “Torpe” men in their pursuit for romantic endeavours	(IC1) “In a way, to be in yun yung torpe state, so to speak, would be that, that you want to, you really really want to. But, you don't know how to say it, you don't know how to, make the transition from this relationship to that relationship. You can't make the first move, that's about it.”

This table shows the behavioral experiences of “Torpe” men in their pursuit of romantic endeavors. That is, they experience problems when communicating with the person of interest, e.i. a female they have affection for.

Table #3

This table contains the theme for Research Problem # 1.3: What are the cognitive experiences of “Torpe” men in their pursuit of romantic endeavors

Theme	Definition/description	Sample quote
Engaging in Introspection	“Torpe” person is engaging in self-reflection	(IC2)”It’s more of psychological it’s like my self-confidence is too low I don't believe that I have the capability to talk to them”

This table shows the cognitive experiences of “Torpe” men in their pursuit of romantic endeavors. That is, they have thoughts about, for example, their personality or looks when possible rejection occurs or even if it doesn’t happen at all.

Table #4

This table contains the themes for Research Problem #2:  What motivates “Torpe” Men to try to pursue romantic relationships?

Theme	Definition/description	Sample quote
Preoccupation of the person of interest	Unsure on their reason on why the “torpe” man is attracted to a person, but extensive thoughts increases his likelihood of liking the person.	(IC1) “Lagi mo silang iniisip … parang, kahit hindi mo sila kasama dito” (IC4) “I think of her everyday sometimes I can’t focus on my studies whenever I take a shower I think, I can’t sleep well at night sometime”
Aesthetics of the person of interest	Uniqueness of a person that the torpe man is attracted to based on social phenomenon	(IC4) “does not need to be beautiful but presentable, my first criteria is physical the eyes are deceiver, second criteria movements”
Desires of interaction with the person of interest	The desires of “Torpe” men are interacting and in contact with the person of interest	(IC1) “I assume too much, I need too much attention” (IC4) “so now my tactic is to stay silent sometimes I try to impress, status, sometimes its your mojo/game (diskarte) if you are their type”

This table shows the motivations of “Torpe” men to try to pursue a romantic endeavor. That is, they have thoughts about the person of interest, attraction to the beauty or aesthetics of the person, and a longing to interact with the person. 

Table #5

This table contains the theme for Research Problem #3: What are the coping mechanisms of “Torpe” men?

Theme	Definition/description	Sample quote
Distracting one’s self	Person is trying to forget about the consequences of being his “Torpeness” by doing other activities.	(IC4) playing, avoid emo music, like you only listen to happy songs, and the tendency share your hurt feelings with your friends probably shouting sh*%t you probably bonding with friends and then go home at night you know like if you got home you don’t have anything to think about go with the trip of others, Farmville, pet society, love your family (IC5) “Uhm... Hang out with my friends then look for someone else.”
Apathy	Person is dealing with his “Torpeness” by not minding the consequences.	(IC5)I’m fine with it. It doesn’t matter. (IC5) I don’t know. I just always thought that there’s more out there. It’s not really the end of the world.

This table shows the coping mechanisms of “Torpe” men. That is, they try to do other things in order to forget about his “Torpeness” or possibly by not caring at all.

 Table #6

This table contains the themes for Research Problem #4: What are the methods of communication of "Torpe" men in their pursuit of Romantic endeavours?

Theme	Definition/description	Sample quote
Usage of technology to communicate with the person of interest	Using of technology, like SMS, to interact with the person of interest	(IC4)The medium I prefer is like text, telephone, internet I feel more expressive.
Personal communication with the person of interest	Communicating with the person of interest through direct contact, e.i. face to face communication	(IC2)I'd choose uhh face to face meetings. The experience of seeing someone and conversing face to face is very diff from talking to someone online since talking to someone online you wouldn't be able to see the person smile hear the person talk see how they look like

This table shows the methods of communication of "Torpe" men in their pursuit of Romantic endeavors. That is, try to interact with the person through texting or using social networking and possibly directly communicating with the person of interest by talking to her in person.

CONCLUSION, DISCUSSION, RECOMMENDATIONS

           

            “Torpe” is state where a person inhibits or holds back his feeling to a person of interest and has affective (emotional): “experience of fear and experience of regret”; behavioural: “Problems in communicating and interacting with the person of interest”; and cognitive: “engaging in Introspection”; effects on the person. The person may be motivated: “Preoccupation of the person of interest, Aesthetics of the person of interest, and desires of interaction with the person of interest”; to interact and start relationship with a person of interest, employing forms of communications like: “Usage of technology to communicate with the person of interest and Personal communication with the person of interes”t; but may be inhibited due his “Torpeness” and thus try to cope with it by: “Distracting one’s self and Apathy”. They hesitate and inhibit their feeling because they may possibly evaluate negative outcomes of their interactions with the person of interest (Asendorpf, 2000, as cited in Arroyo & Harwood, 2011), their fear of rejection increase their expected response from their person of interest (Vorauer, Pearce and Holmes, 2003), and their high self-monitoring causes them be less willing to respond their own immediate emotional reaction (Graziano & Bryant, 1998). We recommend that future studies on “Torpe “should try to find out the perception of the female on “Torpe” males, the cause of “Torpe” state on males and also try to find out if there is a “female” counterpart  of “Torpe”.

References

Arroyo, A., & Harwood, J. (2011). Communication competence mediates the link between

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Cherry, K. (n.d.). Stages of Psychosocial Development. Retrieved from             http://psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/psychosocial_2.htm

Continuado, A. L. S., Marcos, N. W. Jr. B., & Dentor, R. Jr. D. (2007). Katorpehan : a phase       experienced by Filipino adolescent males in the process of courtship. (Unpublished             undergraduate thesis). De La Salle University - Manila, 2401 Taft Avenue Malate,         Manila, Philippines.

Gilmartin, B. G. (1987). Peer Group Antecedents of Severe Love-shyness in Males. Journal         of Personality 55, (3), pp. 467-489

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